Give what you want to receive.
Maybe you’re thinking, “I already do this. It’s not working and I am frustrated beyond belief.” Here’s the secret you’re likely missing but have heard before. Give exactly what you want to receive, without expectation of receiving it back- either upon return of you giving, or in the same way you are giving. Again, maybe you think you are doing so. However, if you are already in a pissed off, frustrated state of mind, the energy behind every action you take, isn’t sincere, despite maybe you thinking so.
When I first became a stepmom, I went above and beyond in terms of giving. In fact, in many ways it wasn’t healthy because there was a lot of my giving that stemmed only from people pleasing. There was also a lot of giving that I did that was truly out of a state of compassion, mission, purpose, to create the reality I wanted, but also to give for the sake of giving to other humans. While doing my shadow work and breaking down the people pleasing bullshit, I began to give with healthy boundaries. That created a huge sense of peace in my heart and made my relationships within my blended family much stronger than what I could’ve imagined in the first place.
So, ask yourself what it is you want more of. Do you want more grace from your partner? Maybe more love, appreciation, acceptance, kindness? Start by defining what each of those words looks like to you experientially. They may not be identical in terms of definition to someone else, but it’s a fantastic place to start if it’s sincere to you. If you feel lack in any area of your life, chances are that you are not giving the same way you would like to be receiving. The key is the energy behind it. If you are mindlessly giving and taking great action, but the energy behind it all is angry, depressed, hopeless, etc., unfortunately, you will just continue receiving more of that dark depressing shit. If you don’t believe this, try it. Commit to trying exactly 21 days of being fully aware of the energy behind your action. If you aren’t seeing changes, then you haven’t mastered it. You have choices, ladies. Even if you hate the situation, you were most likely put in this situation to be faced head on with a giant lesson from the Universe, with a chance to grow and become the human you’re meant to be. OR, you can continue in misery and fall down until you have no spirit left. It’s on you- never HCBM, step kids, or spouse. Start with the inside of you and watch the outside of you unfold beautifully.
PS. This takes time. Sometimes it takes lots of time. Just because things aren’t shifting as quickly as you want them to does not mean it isn’t, or will not happen. Choice is yours. Kick some ass- oh, and sage your space, including yourself. If you don't know what saging is, google it. Regardless of your beliefs, try it- what do you have to lose?