Are you a walking contradiction?



"We say we value honesty, but we frequently withhold our true feelings to avoid conflict." Susan Campbell


I am a recovering people pleaser. For reasons of the past, seeking approval was something I held near and dear to my heart, only to self sabotage and create a life of misery.


I tell people all the time how much I value honesty. I would consider myself an honest person for the most part. I don't tell lies on a daily basis. But what if I didn't have to tell horrible lies in order to be considered a liar?


Have you been in a situation where you avoid telling someone- a friend, a mate, a boss, how you truthfully view something or your feelings about something simply to avoid making them feel badly or avoid potential conflict? If this is you, perhaps you aren't as honest as you thought you were either.


Something I struggle with frequently, less so now, is consciously choosing how I respond to something or someone entirely based on what I think their response will be. That may include leaving out information, changing the story to make the person feel better, or shifting the topic to avoid my fear of their response altogether. Not only does this make me miserable inside, but it compromises integrity and is in no way honest. So why do we do that? Does it really matter so much what another person's response is? You owe it to yourself and to them if you really care about them to be honest, even if it hurts. I am not saying you should be a jerk on purpose. That is not the point here. If what you think you have to say is motivated entirely by anger or fear then maybe right then is not the time to say it.


Part of boundaries is honesty. I am learning to chuck the people pleaser persona in the trash, and truly practice what I preach. If I truly value honesty, I must be honest without contradiction.


Can you relate to this? Do you ever find yourself changing the story or not sharing your true feelings for fear what may be a consequence of it?



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